Gardener, Cook, Carer, Homemaker - my mother ...

Even unto the last she kept us on our toes ... going at a time that suited her and her daughter ... peacefully in the late evening ... with no fuss or bother she slipped away last Wednesday night – Fourth of July day.

Pulmonata: slugs and snails ..
this would have interested my mother

No late nights, no anxiety – frankly none of us expected her to leave us – the nurses, the care staff, or me – my brother said ‘that’s a surprise’, as I’d only been on the phone minutes before letting them know the situation – only to ring back and say she had gone.

Even on Monday – we’ve been here before ... she will recover; even on Tuesday the doctor was only called for good order – we hadn’t had need of her for a year ... she said 2 – 5 days ... but I didn’t think much about it – my mother thought otherwise ... 36 hours later I was called out.

English stone walled garden planting

She had always been practical and got on with things and somehow over the years managed to rationalise in her own mind that faith, courage and strength of mind were her friends now.

She has been quite incredible during the last five and a half years ... there were times that were challenging, somehow we managed to laugh our way through them – she did want to get back to the way she was ...

... and we had many fictitious travels back to Penzance in a Purple People Carrier, overseas holidays to New Zealand and Australia – hiring a plane, even to Buenos Aires, where she ‘had castles’ and Valparaiso ... do you know where it is? ... amazing she even came up with the name.

Newlyn steps - looking east over
Penzance Bay - her recent home

I had to laugh a lot of the time – because she was so ‘with it’ even if it was logically impossible – we’d roar with laughter at the thought of slings, the numbers of carers we’d need for the journey etc etc ....

The staff laughed lots too ... and over the nearly five years we had been in Eastbourne ... so many stories came out – I’d be accosted as I walked in ... “your mother ..... “ ... shock horror at her comments and ripostes – then we’d have a good giggle! 

Everyone was very fond of her and that made such a difference to me – it’s never an easy time to see one’s mother bedridden for so long without apparently any benefit ... but to look on the bright side of life –

I’ve learnt loads along this journey, I appreciate illness far more, and the needs of many; I’ve met some incredible people ... that’s been a huge bonus; I’ve had lots of support from family and friends ...

Scented Roses - perfect for the sensory
aspects

My mother was never very effusive – she was always grateful for everything that happened, philosophical at ‘disaster’ times, while her one pleasure (as she has been fed intravenously – her decision) is the educational rapport we’ve had.  Two things she said to me ensured I knew she valued me and the support I’d been providing her had been hugely appreciated – what more as a child should I not do.

Right from the beginning I realised I needed to visit with interesting stories to hand, and I realised that by writing out to family and friends I’d elicit letters back – so I did a lot of that ...

Tall ships - another of my mother's loves
in a gloomy Penzance Bay

This blog is not called Positive Letters for nothing- from a few people writing and saying your letters are so positive and interesting – please don’t stop ... well I haven’t stopped blog posting 440+ posts later ... or writing letters for that matter ...

These interactions kept my mother stimulated and interested in educative history ... we’re a very small family – so that wasn’t an option or source of chit-chat ...

... and Mum would send me home from London, when she was in hospital there at the beginning, to google things and come back with interesting articles etc ...

... my take on Talli’s blog when she asked us to write on “If I could be anyone ....” – I’d picked Mary Wollstonecraft – as I walked through the churchyard to get to St Pancras Hospital, where my mother was when she was being assessed before her move to Eastbourne.

St Pancras Hospital - the Sun Memorial behind
which is Mary Wollstonecraft's grave

We had long discussions about St Pancras Workhouse – now the  hospital ...  I often talked about the blog – and she was amazed that people were always sending their love, hugs in her direction and asking about her well-being ... so thank you for that support over the years.

I didn’t read much to her from the blog, because in later years she wasn’t that easily able to concentrate so I’d mix and match what I talked about or read (usually about Cornwall) ... but one blog post always tickled her – and she remembered and laughed ...

Washington's mouth does look awfully
uncomfortable .. doesn't it?

... Washington and his false teeth ... she would have loved to know that Winston Churchill had a gold plate – that featured in the Gold Exhibition I went to and recently wrote about ... forgot his plate!  However there's a story attached to that too .. so another day ...

About 10 days before she died – I told her a story I’d read on someone’s blog about a Scots lad who, on being caught by the police pre-war, had on a whim given them his name as a name taken from the iron-monger’s sign above the policeman’s head ... it stayed with him through his life – he did manage to clarify matters just before he died ...

An Ironmongers - but our toolshed didn't look
much different in the 1950s ... 

I’m sure it was in the States – if anyone remembers whose blog this story belongs to – please let me know.  He was their father and this happened 25 years ago or so ... but my mother belly laughed at it – pronouncing at the end “How wonderful” ... she always amazed us ... two staff were in the room too ... we all had a good giggle ...

Then this story – that I never mentioned in my last blog post, nor told my mother ... but this too would have tickled her:

c/o Local Guardian in Wimbledon
area

The tennis ball sofa featured in my last post, Wimbledon and Olympics, has a story ... that would have amused my mother ... a furniture maker turned a sofa that had been dumped in the street into this ‘art work’ .... Mark Thurgood, used tennis balls donated by the local Telford Park tennis club, in Streatham, to create this rather special piece of memorabilia.

Then a co-tennis player decided that it was so good that they should offer it to the BBC, sent them some pictures and the rest is history.  Apparently it’s really comfy to sit on – though with all the rain delays we had the night-time presenter, John Inverdale, hardly ever used it.

I wonder where it’ll end up ... I’m sure my mother would have said Wimbledon will keep it ... and she’d have had a good laugh ... this was her type of story.

And guess what is in Scotland - another castle:
Dirleton ... I might take a look around

Well that’s me for now – I am fine and happy with the way I’ve been around for my mother, so I have no regrets, nor need to grieve as such – I’ve been doing that ... but all the while keeping my brain active ... now the little bird is free to roam occasionally –

As my mother counselled me a few years ago – travel before you reach 80 ... but you’ll be a double old age pensioner before you get around to that ... I just had to laugh and think to myself ... Mum at the rate you’re going I probably will be 120 before you take yourself off ...

Still we survived as best we could in the circumstances and now you are at peace ... Gardening, Cooking, Homemaker will be posted on anon – but she was excellent at all of those ...

I'll be there in a few hours - if the net and Blogger
ever get to connect and work today - ?!

Thanks everyone for your support – I’ll be around spasmodically for a while – and I’m going to Scotland (pre-planned) at the beginning of August – so that will be a nice short break to tie up with some old friends ... then I shall settle back in to blogging – with the world ahead of me!

Much love Mum ... be blessed where you are ... you deserve some good times ... 

Today I'm off to London to (as so many of you instructed me!) to see "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" under the big top in Kensington Palace ..  report back shortly .... 

My blog post: "If I could be anyone I'd be: Mary Wollstonecraft"

Blog post on Washington's Teeth

Hilary Melton-Butcher

Positive Letters Inspirational Stories