Giving my mother something to live for, while she moves on ...

Pearly Gates: Please enter your PIN ... this picture and caption will amuse Mum ...

Dear Mr Postman .. this is a letter for you .. so that you can get an idea of the sort of amazing days I have with my mother ..

Yesterday was an incredible day with my mother .. only an hour and a half – but so uplifting and thought provoking. My mother is quite extraordinary .. and has been throughout this whole process. She originally had her strokes 26 months ago .. was stabilised in the Acute Brain Injury Unit and we eventually got her down her to Eastbourne 19 months ago.

The doctors realised that her stroke had not affected her cognisance or her ability to communicate and so were happy to let her have a PEG feeding tube fitted – initially she had a small intake of food and tea ... but since she’s been in Eastbourne .. she’s been nil by mouth.

She’s been in hospital now for over 3 weeks – she’s well! – but unfortunately her feeding tube had come out and the Nursing Centre were not able to put it back within the 2 hour window of opportunity there is for these things. For 11 days she was only on a drip .. then they tried to reinsert the PEG feed using a camera .. that failed & it was Easter.

At this point the doctors decided that she had to have a nose feeding tube .. so she could get nourishment and her drugs. This week, 2 weeks later, they tried again to fit the PEG with an Xray – sadly her stroked leg got in the way & that failed.

Wednesday night Mum obviously got irritated with the nose tube and it came out – so now needs to be reinserted. The Staff Nurse and Sister were with us during part of the following conversation ... – which she was wide awake and bright for: she’d been fairly subdued for most of the 3 weeks .. which is not like her. So this is my report back to my mother ..

Darling Mum .. you never cease to amaze me .. yesterday we needed to get your agreement to having the nose feed reinserted, which you didn’t want! Fortunately the Sister had had one and understood that it’s irritating – I haven’t, I agree – but we want you to have it put back.

The choices are pretty limited .. we need to ensure that you keep your strength up with the feed, and the nurses need to be able to give you your drugs, so that next week they will give you an anaesthetic and operate to reinsert the PEG.

If we can’t give you your feed – then you’ll die. Well I’m going to die anyway sometime soon aren’t I? Yes – but are you ready to die now? No! Will you have the nose feed reinserted – Yes ... with an anaesthetic! Well I’m afraid we can’t do that.. the PEG operation will be with an anaesthetic.

This went on .. but interspersed in all this ..which was repeated a few times .. we were laughing or smiling .. as soon as Mum said ‘yes – but with an anaesthetic’ we started laughing .. and she was belly laughing .. it’s so good.

Did you say you saw that Granny is here? Yes – she’s still alive isn’t she? Well – no Mum .. she died about 37 years ago .. perhaps she’s here with you waiting to go with you through the pearly gates? Why don’t they give her a key then? .......

You tell me – how you couldn’t laugh .. and we laughed and smiled round the problem .. she eventually consented to the nose tube .. which I hope has happened over night.

During this I read a couple of cards we’d received from friends .. including one from an employee of my mother’s .. regarding, her own mother’s, Lorraine’s 90th birthday party .. Margaret said she used to cringe when Lorraine and my mother argued over whose kitchen it was ... Mum owned a Care Home in Cornwall – we reminisced a bit about the old days.

Then I mentioned the two recent posts .. on Asparagus and Rhubarb ..”what a mix!!” and we talked about growing asparagus .. and making rhubarb fool with our new Kenwood mixer! Then I told Mum about St George’s Cross .. and how St George and the Dragon came about .. she was most interested.

Darling Mum – I am honoured to have been able to share so much with you over the last two years .. and to have been able to laugh with you, smile with you .. and watch your belly ratchet up and down laughing uproariously .. bringing others into our room to see what’s going on!

You’ve been an inspiration to me .. in that you’ve never complained, never worried, never whinged or moaned .. we’ve laughed our way through your adversity, our trials and tribulations ..we seem to have settled into a wonderful existence and have two minds that have met enjoying each other's company, while also appreciating the snippets of information or things that amuse us

I don’t know where your brain is .. but it never ceases to amaze me at what you can remember .. you may be muddled occasionally .. but it doesn’t matter you’re just so pragmatic about everything and ready to join in the fray – you are most definitely extra special .. and I love you.

I love you photo from Daphne and her "A Positive Letter to Hilary" post written for me at Joyful Days blog .... I am just grateful for everyone's support ... THANKYOU!!

Mr Postman thank you for laughing with me over this incredible tale .. it is so wonderful to have such a positive mother .. I am so lucky .. someone so spunky and not giving up on things ..

Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters