Even unto
the last she kept us on our toes ... going at a time that suited her and her
daughter ... peacefully in the late evening ... with no fuss or bother she
slipped away last Wednesday night – Fourth of July day.
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Pulmonata: slugs and snails .. this would have interested my mother |
No late
nights, no anxiety – frankly none of us expected her to leave us – the nurses,
the care staff, or me – my brother said ‘that’s a surprise’, as I’d only been
on the phone minutes before letting them know the situation – only to ring back
and say she had gone.
Even on
Monday – we’ve been here before ... she will recover; even on Tuesday the
doctor was only called for good order – we hadn’t had need of her for a year
... she said 2 – 5 days ... but I didn’t think much about it – my mother
thought otherwise ... 36 hours later I was called out.
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| English stone walled garden planting |
She had
always been practical and got on with things and somehow over the years managed to rationalise
in her own mind that faith, courage and strength of mind were her friends now.
She has
been quite incredible during the last five and a half years ... there were
times that were challenging, somehow we managed to laugh our way through them –
she did want to get back to the way she was ...
... and
we had many fictitious travels back to Penzance in a Purple People Carrier,
overseas holidays to New Zealand and Australia – hiring a plane, even to Buenos
Aires, where she ‘had castles’ and Valparaiso ... do you know where it is? ...
amazing she even came up with the name.
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Newlyn steps - looking east over Penzance Bay - her recent home |
I had
to laugh a lot of the time – because she was so ‘with it’ even if it was
logically impossible – we’d roar with laughter at the thought of slings, the
numbers of carers we’d need for the journey etc etc ....
The
staff laughed lots too ... and over the nearly five years we had been in
Eastbourne ... so many stories came out – I’d be accosted as I walked in ... “your
mother ..... “ ... shock horror at her comments and ripostes – then we’d have a
good giggle!
Everyone
was very fond of her and that made such a difference to me – it’s never an easy
time to see one’s mother bedridden for so long without apparently any benefit
... but to look on the bright side of life –
I’ve
learnt loads along this journey, I appreciate illness far more, and the needs
of many; I’ve met some incredible people ... that’s been a huge bonus; I’ve had
lots of support from family and friends ...
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Scented Roses - perfect for the sensory aspects |
My
mother was never very effusive – she was always grateful for everything that
happened, philosophical at ‘disaster’ times, while her one pleasure (as she has
been fed intravenously – her decision) is the educational rapport we’ve had. Two things she said to me ensured I knew she
valued me and the support I’d been providing her had been hugely appreciated –
what more as a child should I not do.
Right from
the beginning I realised I needed to visit with interesting stories to hand,
and I realised that by writing out to family and friends I’d elicit letters
back – so I did a lot of that ...
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Tall ships - another of my mother's loves in a gloomy Penzance Bay |
This
blog is not called Positive Letters for nothing- from a few people writing and
saying your letters are so positive and interesting – please don’t stop ...
well I haven’t stopped blog posting 440+ posts later ... or writing letters for
that matter ...
These
interactions kept my mother stimulated and interested in educative history ...
we’re a very small family – so that wasn’t an option or source of chit-chat ...
... and
Mum would send me home from London, when she was in hospital there at the
beginning, to google things and come back with interesting articles etc ...
... my
take on Talli’s blog when she asked us to write on “If I could be anyone ....” –
I’d picked Mary Wollstonecraft – as I walked through the churchyard to get to
St Pancras Hospital, where my mother was when she was being assessed before her
move to Eastbourne.
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St Pancras Hospital - the Sun Memorial behind which is Mary Wollstonecraft's grave |
We had
long discussions about St Pancras Workhouse – now the hospital ... I often talked about the blog – and she was
amazed that people were always sending their love, hugs in her direction and
asking about her well-being ... so thank you for that support over the years.
I didn’t
read much to her from the blog, because in later years she wasn’t that easily
able to concentrate so I’d mix and match what I talked about or read (usually about Cornwall) ... but
one blog post always tickled her – and she remembered and laughed ...
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Washington's mouth does look awfully uncomfortable .. doesn't it? |
...
Washington and his false teeth ... she would have loved to know that Winston
Churchill had a gold plate – that featured in the Gold Exhibition I went to and
recently wrote about ... forgot his plate! However there's a story attached to that too .. so another day ...
About
10 days before she died – I told her a story I’d read on someone’s blog about a
Scots lad who, on being caught by the police pre-war, had on a whim given them
his name as a name taken from the iron-monger’s sign above the policeman’s head
... it stayed with him through his life – he did manage to clarify matters just
before he died ...
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An Ironmongers - but our toolshed didn't look much different in the 1950s ... |
I’m
sure it was in the States – if anyone remembers whose blog this story belongs
to – please let me know. He was their
father and this happened 25 years ago or so ... but my mother belly laughed at
it – pronouncing at the end “How wonderful” ... she always amazed us ... two
staff were in the room too ... we all had a good giggle ...
Then
this story – that I never mentioned in my last blog post, nor told my mother ...
but this too would have tickled her:
The tennis ball sofa featured in my last
post, Wimbledon and Olympics, has a story ... that would have amused my mother
... a furniture maker turned a sofa that had been dumped in the street into
this ‘art work’ .... Mark Thurgood, used tennis balls donated by the local
Telford Park tennis club, in Streatham, to create this rather special piece of
memorabilia.
Then a co-tennis player decided that it was
so good that they should offer it to the BBC, sent them some pictures and the
rest is history. Apparently it’s really
comfy to sit on – though with all the rain delays we had the night-time
presenter, John Inverdale, hardly ever used it.
I wonder where it’ll end up ... I’m sure my
mother would have said Wimbledon will keep it ... and she’d have had a good
laugh ... this was her type of story.
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And guess what is in Scotland - another castle: Dirleton ... I might take a look around |
Well
that’s me for now – I am fine and happy with the way I’ve been around for my
mother, so I have no regrets, nor need to grieve as such – I’ve been doing that
... but all the while keeping my brain active ... now the little bird is free
to roam occasionally –
As my
mother counselled me a few years ago – travel before you reach 80 ... but you’ll
be a double old age pensioner before you get around to that ... I just had to
laugh and think to myself ... Mum at the rate you’re going I probably will be
120 before you take yourself off ...
Still
we survived as best we could in the circumstances and now you are at peace ... Gardening,
Cooking, Homemaker will be posted on anon – but she was excellent at all of
those ...
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I'll be there in a few hours - if the net and Blogger ever get to connect and work today - ?! |
Thanks
everyone for your support – I’ll be around spasmodically for a while – and I’m
going to Scotland (pre-planned) at the beginning of August – so that will be a
nice short break to tie up with some old friends ... then I shall settle back in to blogging
– with the world ahead of me!
Much love Mum ... be blessed where you are ... you deserve some good times ...
Hilary
Melton-Butcher
Positive
Letters Inspirational Stories