Tuesday 17 February 2009

Banned from visiting ... this tests my resolve ..

Dear Mr Postman .. thank you for coming today .. this is one from me ..

Life occasionally delivers you a whammy .. well yesterday was one of those days .. at 9.30 am I was rung up by the Manager of Kestrel House .. to be told I could not visit my mother - as the incident last week was so serious that they'd reported it to the Health Authorities! Well to say I was shocked was an understatement ..

The 'incident' occurred one day last week .. & frankly I can't remember when .. anyway .. when I was leaving, having given Mum her lemon & chatted to her for an hour or so (from the left side of the bed), I noticed that the PEG stomach feeding tube was on the floor on the right side of the bed. I stopped the feed .. as I've done in the past, & as I do when the bag runs out & the alarm starts ringing .. initially 16 m ago I checked & no-one's ever told me not to & I always tell the nurses what I've done .. so normal procedure.

I checked to see if I could feel any wet on the bed & round Mum's left (stroked) side .. nothing - so I'm unsure what's happened. I then call the nurse to tell them that the feed had fallen on the floor. There was a white patch where the feed obviously leaked more quickly, which the nurse wiped up, & there was a darker patch further under the bed .. which was damp - as I was also on my hands and knees checking - as I couldn't understand why there was no wet in the bed.

When the nurse checked the stomach input tube .. it had its stopper in. I had no idea .. as Mum was surrounded by a large pillow on her left side & was very comfortable I hadn't looked any further than for a leak. The other nurse was called who'd actually been the person responsible .. & she said she didn't know what happened. This nurse had just come back from a month's holiday back home on the other side of the world & I think it was her second day back - they do long hours: 12 hour shifts.

I didn't think anymore about it .. as a number of times the feeding tube has come unplugged or popped out & I always call the nurses and it's sorted .. occasionally by tying it up with elastoplast to hold it in place. It's also been on the floor before ..

So I am somewhat shattered by what's taking place - & why is it so serious now? Why didn't they ban me on Thursday, or Friday last week? As you'll see from the para above .. it's happened at other times, but there've been a few other much more serious incidents .. once where they didn't put anything into Mum's stomach for 17 - 21 hours = that is serious in my opinion!

Anyway this can of worms has been opened .. the positive is - I can get on with some work & today I have a friend from our days in South Africa coming down, with my goddaughter and her brother .. so that'll be great. The sad thing is Mum will be deprived from seeing them & they were all looking forward to the visit.

The worst part about it is .. it is depriving my mother of the one person she relies on .. & her human rights are being affected in her dying days - my sister in law, who's a lawyer, agrees with me that it's probably been instigated by the Deputy Manager as she & I have never got on .. & she's the one that's made the major mistakes that I've had to write complaints about in the past, which have got brushed under the table.

The other interesting comment by the Manager was that "we have a duty of care" .. I think the wheels have got crossed somewhere in translation?? I can't say I'm happy but we have to get on with life & that's what I'm doing .. and positive stories, letters and posts will come out of this experience.

Thank you Mr Postman for listening .. it's good to be able to talk about it .. it's not an easy time ...

Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters


Anonymous said...

They are all about words rather than doings, obviously; it looks like they don't understand much.
Do you know how long will it be until you can see your mother again? No matter how long it takes, keep the positive attitude and good will come out of it...and let them feel different if they want. It will be ok.
Enjoy with your friends!

Jacques said...

It's times like these that we need FAITH! My take on this is that they are trying to protect themselves to the detriment of the family. Stand strong! Everything will work out for your mother's good.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Stella .. thanks - some wires were crossed as you say .. & re timing .. I have no idea .. no contact, no news nothing.

I'm fine & just taking advantage of the extra time .. it's bliss - just to be able to do what I want to do & get on with things.

Yes I will enjoy my time .. about an hour and half to go .. I'm like a school child .. well no - a few things to do first!!

thanks v much for your support .. Hilary

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Actually to the detriment of me .. but that's another angle .. I'm staggered, especially with all the other complaints I've put in .. they really have opened up a can of worms ..

So I'm strong .. after 2 years .. I can't be seen to be a negative influence on my mother - if anything I've kept her alive .. but there we go ..

So thank you I am strong .. & of extremely strong stock .. & I'm fine .. just being happy while they sort themselves out.

I appreciate your thoughts - Hilary

Unknown said...

Hilary, I am sure your strength is key issue to support your mother directly or indirectly. Please keep being positive. I hope you will be able to see your mother, real soon.

Best wishes,
Shaw Funami

Anonymous said...

Hi Hilary
I am sorry to hear about what has been going on with your mom. The good thing is you have a good support system with friends coming to visit. Enjoy your time with them and keep the faith.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Shaw - many thanks for your caring words .. I do need to stay strong .. & I hope we can sort this matter out soon
Thanks very much - Hilary: Be Positive Be Happy

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Gio ..thanks .. it's very distressing, but obviously just has to be dealt with. We had a lovely time last night & it was good to see my friends ..
Thanks and love to you too ..
Hilary: Be Postive Be Happy